Two major themes in my life are a sense that I’m simultaneously not good enough to do something while also believing that I can do it, and overthinking what I should be doing. All of that together is a recipe for procrastination.
Combine that with a whole lot of work stress and fighting what is probably latent seasonal affective disorder and the last few months have been very unproductive, both from a writing standpoint and a blogging standpoint.
But unproductive just means I don’t have a product to which to point; it doesn’t mean that I haven’t been fighting in the various battles I have. And in several of them, I’ve been winning.
So, time to take that spirit of winning back into the writing world and start being productive with my books.
Grant Michael Gardner 
Can’t help coming over to check out your blog posts despite the fact your blog isn’t exactly the diary type. Maybe that’s just because your own fights look like mines, at least from afar.
Let me just clarify my own fights here. It’s useless but sometimes, light can only be cast using shadows.
Prometheus, Frankenstein, Tony Stark. All figures of the Human that used technique to overcome the limits of their own conditions. The key to their legends is polyvalence, the mastery of everything you need to survive whenever you’re stripped of anything.
Polyvalence is also what I aimed for. But the results in real life were much different. I have an Electronic engineer background but no degree. I have an English literature licence. I ran a 17 people subtitling team for free over nearly a decade. I’m 34, trying to change the world with ideas of zero waste and permaculture. But in the end, I’m back at my mom’s. In this world, money grants you everything and I’m reminded of it every single day. My struggle for polyvalence is now just a struggle for independence, to break free from my own family. Send me in the streets now, I’ll die jobless. The stress for me is this. My kingdom for a dream!
All in all, let’s just try to plan out some good achievements, you in the literary world and I in the subtitling line-of-business, shall we?
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It’s been crazy and I’ve just not taken the time, but I have been pondering on what you’ve shared and didn’t want to go any longer without replying. You’re working hard. I’m not sure things will ever change to be what you want, but I’m proud of you for keeping with it. And even if you don’t change the world and even if the subtitling work doesn’t ever do what you want it to do, you have put something out into the world that didn’t exist before and have added value.
That is important work. Holy even.
Good on you and keep fighting whatever fight needs fought.
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